It's been over a month since my last confession...and I have SO MUCH to confess...it's funny how I used to run to the computer and vent every time something monumental would happen. I loved flushing out my woes, to what felt like a sea of strangers. They didn't know me, they couldn't see me. I couldn't see them, or any pity on their faces. It felt safe.
But lately I haven't felt like complaining and am wary of what I post because I never really know who's reading. It could be Gina* who lives down the street and whom I see every Sunday. We might not really be friends, she might just be a nosy blog stalker who likes to read her neighbors business and form her own assumptions.
But then again, my readers could be a very small number of very beloved friends...you know who you are...in places like San Diego and Fountain Valley and even here in my little Eastside town.
You know me. You know I'm dramatic. I feel. I love.
We recently went on a vacation to the Southland. My home away from home. I say vacation loosely because my poor husband had to work the whole time and we had no extra money for any commercial fun like Disneyland or Sea World.
My kids and I spent the time annoying my husbands parents. We swam in their pool when it was warm enough, but mostly we just tried to amuse ourselves and stay out of Grandpa's way.
About three days into the trip my husband and I received some hard business news which made us stress out for the rest of the trip.
The Wednesday after we got home something happened in my son's classroom that made me decide to pull him out for the rest of the school year. Thursday night my charming four year old broke his arm at the park we were at. His Dad is an EMT and got there shortly after the ambulance to ride with him to the hospital.
Here we are three weeks later and he still doesn't have a hard cast. His bones aren't healing like they should and we fear he may need an operation.
We are adjusting to home school life with my eldest. It's an adjustment...
And I have my first running injury which I self-diagnosed as a shoe problem and finally went and got fitted for some proper ones. The foot/ankle is healing slowly and I'm still trying to train in the midst of it.
I feel that I'm such a novice runner that I don't have time to lose. I even sucked up my pride and went running with some very experienced ladies. They left me in their dust, but I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed hearing them talk even though I couldn't hold a conversation.
Joanne has four children, her oldest is 10 or 11, her youngest is 22 months. She's been running for 6 years. She says she's finally beginning to like running.
Jody is an athlete. She has a 4 month old and 2 older children. She's extremely competitive, plays soccer, and is a certified personal trainer.
My friend Kati runs because she feels she has to. She loves junk food and has 3 boys, the youngest is just 1 year old.
I must admit I'm a romantic about many things and running is one of them. To imagine being able to run long enough and hard enough that I feel like I'm flying, that's what I'm working towards. I loved running when I was young, but when I became heavily involved in the dance world I was to afraid to ruin my knees or ankles.
I'm finally running 3 miles consistently...it feels good. Very good. And when no one else is on the trail with me I raise my arms and fly. Funny to you maybe. I sing out loud. I imagine that finish line and how good it feels to cross it. I picture myself running our town 10k, it's well known for it's crazy hills. The fear I have for those hills makes me run a little harder.
I run for many reasons, but none of them are because I HAVE TO. I just want to. It's fun. It makes me smile. And maybe that's what sets me a little apart from these ladies who right now can run circles around me.
What I'm struggling with is getting my body moving in the wee hours of the morning. I'm more of an evening mover but with the inconsistency of my husbands working hours I need to get it done before he leaves. This means in the hour of 6am.
I feel nauseous at 6am. It's too early for shaking the body. We'll see. I'm planning on getting up tomorrow but so far my body has rebelled.