Last night, after the children were nestled all snug in their beds Husband I settle down into our cramped office space to catch up on some Hulu. If you don't Hulu I highly recommend it.
He posed a question out of the blue that I wasn't ready for...
"Erin, are you happy?"
Even now, writing that question out, staring at it, I don't know how to answer.
I don't know whether to break down and list my fears and frustrations or my blessings. It's like they both come at me at once. Some weeks it's easier to forget the frustrations. But more often than not they clutter my mind leaving little room to remember what is the core of me.
That I truly am happy. Why wouldn't I be?
I have a man that is working his a** off and doing everything humanly possible to help this family thrive.
But at the same time that means he needs to be gone, leaving me alone to worry and try to pull it together for our kids.
I am happy, but I am worried. I dream of a future where all these "if only's" stacked up in my mind can slowly be filed away in the drawer of accomplishments. I am also in love and absolutely in awe of these beautiful children that we are blessed with. I know there are many who yearn for the love that we have in our home and I try to always put that at the forefront of my mind.
I work with what we have, he works for what will be.
And I am happy.